He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
