Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
