Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
