its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
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