I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
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Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
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I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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