Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize