I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?