Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.