Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.