Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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