so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
