there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
