I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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