I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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