my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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