i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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