How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
