I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
