if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
