this beer tastes like vomit already
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
