I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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