So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
