I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
