turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Randomize
