I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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