before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
where am i from again
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Randomize
