I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
