i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
