she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
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He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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