Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
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it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
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Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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