I am puke
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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