@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
