She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
