It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
