We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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