You made me cry and you don't even care
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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