oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
