And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
