come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
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NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
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omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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