he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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