I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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