CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
