So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
someone get that fucking seahorse.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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