U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Dear god my vagina.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
