Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
