I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I should be a condom model.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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