His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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