Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
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Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
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Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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