Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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