wanna go halves on a baby?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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