The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
