first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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