weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
