: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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