a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
