omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
