He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
