He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
