I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
