NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Randomize
