Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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