So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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