even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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