THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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