After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
