Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
