just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Randomize
