Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize