I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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