He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
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