you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
