I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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