My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
